


all we do is think about the feelings that we hide.

by r0manogers



Category: Call Down The Hawk - Fandom, Dreamer Trilogy, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Driving, Fluff, How Do I Tag, I Tried, M/M, Romance, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, So much angst, five times fic, i didn't mean to, kinda short, srry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21832789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0manogers/pseuds/r0manogers
Summary: four times Adam asks Ronan to drive his car, and one time that Ronan asks him to.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64





	all we do is think about the feelings that we hide.

**Author's Note:**

> hellooOoOoOoO, I planned to write some christmasy stuff, but i re-read trb and this (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21619750?view_adult=true) amazing fic and i felt inspired.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

i  
Ronan was trying to keep it cool.  
He really was.  
Fuck, it was hard.  
It had been Gansey’s idea; they had discussed more than once, over Nino’s pizza or in the vintage seats of his Camaro, how Adam should learn how to drive stick shift. Technically he did know how to drive; he was a mechanic, of course he knew cars and how they worked, but practically, he had never done it.  
“Okay” Ronan said, as he walked out of the car, to sit on the passenger seat. He had watched Adam indecisively reaching the driver’s seat and adjust himself.  
He looked over at Ronan, the freckles on his cheeks accentuated by the soft sun light, a silent question in this gaze.  
He looked impossibly young.  
He looked fucking pretty.  
Adam started the car, he was doing quite good for being his first time.  
Of course he’s doing good, Ronan thought, as if Adam Parrish could ever suck at something.  
They circled around the parking lot, Adam extremely focused on the road, carefully listening to Ronan’s sporadic indication.  
Ronan was doing his best, trying to focus on his friends voices coming from outside, encouraging Adam from their safe distance.  
But he couldn’t ignore the way Adam’s hand was gently grabbing the steering wheel, or his other, gripping the gear, knuckles almost white, or the serious, focused expression on his face, biting his lower lip.  
Ronan had to look away.  
Then—it had to happen eventually—Adam stalled the car.  
He looked at Ronan, a little embarrassed and apologetic.  
Ronan wanted to tell him that it was okay, and that he had been great; that he couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to stall it and that his first time driving was so much better than Ronan’s, but he didn’t.  
Instead, Ronan swore at him.

ii  
When it happened again, Adam himself asked.  
Ronan was helping him moving at St. Agnes, they went shopping a few essentials, sheets, towels, pillows and pillowcases, extra duvet (because that place is fucking cold, shithead), toothbrush and toothpaste.  
They reached the BMW, Adam holding the bags, Ronan his car keys.  
Ronan opened the car and walked towards the driver’s side. Adam stared at him, indecisively and shy. By now Ronan knew him well enough to tell when he wanted to say something, and also not.  
“What is it Parrish?” he finally asked.  
Adam looked down and than back again at Ronan.  
“Would you mind letting me drive?” he said, calmly.  
Damn yes.  
Ronan wanted to say, but he thought about the last time he let Adam drive his car and how he had to excuse himself because he needed to jerk himself off, and decided that maybe it was not the best idea.  
But of course, he was not going to say no to Adam Parrish, because he had heard it so many times in his life, and Ronan wasn’t capable of doing so if he wanted to.  
“Whatever” he answered and threw his keys at him, cause god knows he couldn’t handle touching him, not right now.  
So they sat in the car, and Adam drove. He was better now; he had his own car (even if it was pretty shitty), and had obviously practiced, Ronan could tell he looked more confident.  
And he looked hot, so undeniably hot.  
All pale skin and messy hair, shoulders relaxed and eyes bright, focused.  
It hurt to look at him when he was this close and this beautiful.  
Ronan was dying to touch him, to be touched by him, to have those hands on his body, on his tattoo, on his mouth, and those lips on his own.  
He was crushing on him, hard.  
They drove through the desolate Henrietta roads, nothing but threes and forests for miles and miles, and Ronan though it was ideal; just him and Adam and the fucking nature around them.  
Ronan felt the need to look away, to focus on something, anything that was not Adam’s hands, or his mouth, or Adam. He turned the radio on, searching for some sort of music, at this point he wasn’t even being picky. Eventually he felt Adam struggling next to him.  
“What the hell?” he asked.  
“I’m having troubles with the fifth” he admitted, eyes still on the road.  
Ronan took a breath, he knew where this was going.  
“Foot on the clutch” Ronan instructed, and Adam did so.  
Ronan put his hand on top of Adam’s on the gear, and guided his hand into the fifth.  
Adam took a second to look at him, cheeks slightly red.  
“thanks” he smiled, eyes on the road once again.  
Ronan removed his hand, and again found himself silently praying the God to have mercy upon his soul.  
iii

When Adam woke up, his body felt sore.  
Ronan could tell by the way he was stretching his neck and legs. Sleeping in the passenger’s seat was not the most comfortable, and normally he would have told him to stop being a dickhead and get a proper night of sleep, but tonight Ronan didn’t feel like sleeping, or being alone.  
And Adam, of course, didn’t need to ask, or to be asked.  
His mother was dead.  
He was going through it all once again; the pain, the grief, the sadness.  
When his father died, he had felt the need to be alone. Gansey understood that, and he didn’t press, Declan didn’t even try and even Matthew, gave it up pretty easily. It took him a while to recover from the shock, and the suffering.  
When he had gotten in the car that night, his intention was to drive, just drive, going nowhere in particular. To reach the highway and break every speed limit, with the window down and the cold pinching his face. However, he found himself also longing for warmth and quiet and familiarity.  
Now it was different.  
He didn’t want to be alone; he was afraid of the dark corners of his mind he would have reached if he was alone.  
And there he was, Adam Parrish, walking inside of his car and falling asleep in the shittiest spot ever.  
Adam Parrish, who had worked three shifts today and gone to school and done his homework.  
He was there, he always was.  
“how are you feeling?” Adam asked, still a little sleepy.  
It was four in the morning and they were parked in the middle of nowhere.  
Ronan just shrugged, looking at the desert Hanrietta roads.  
“Ronan” Adam whispered, and that’s when he decided he couldn’t take anymore.  
Ronan turned to him, and hugged him.  
Adam didn’t say anything, just held Ronan in his arms. He smelled nice, and sweet and familiar, and Ronan felt safe. Ronan pressed his face in the space between Adam’s neck and shoulder and closed his eyes. He pretended for a while that none of that shit was happening that things were going to be okay, and relaxed a little.  
They stayed like that for a long time, and when he pulled away, he decided he needed to put his shit together.  
“coffee?” he asked Adam, and the other boy just nodded.  
Ronan put his hand on the gear and Adam immediately covered it with his own.  
“do you want me to drive?” he asked.  
Ronan nodded, and walked out, he and Adam exchanged their seats.  
He let Adam buy him hot chocolate, they drank it in the car, and then they both moved in the backseats.  
Adam sat down, and Ronan laid his head in his lap and closed his eyes. He felt Adam’s fingers gently going up and down his jawline.  
“thank you” he whispered.  
He felt safe.

iv  
They were making out.  
Of course they were, because these days it seamed they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  
It was midnight and they went out to grab some food and ended up messily tangled into each other in the backseat of Ronan’s car.  
Ronan loved those moments; those careless and unplanned when one moment they were discussing whether the sixth season of Game of Thrones was the best one and the next they were hungrily kissing each other.  
And Adam was on top of him, knees against the seats and hands under his shirt. Ronan was keeping him in place with one hand on his hip, the other in his hair; his back pressed against the door. They kissed until they were both breathless and their lips were sore and their pants grew too tight and they decided this parking lot was too crowded (even if there were no other cars).  
Adam sat up, and looked at him. The moonlight was making his skin paler; he looked stunning.  
His hair were a little longer now, and they slightly curled around the ends, his face looked soft and calm and his cheeks and nose were splattered by a constellation of small freckles, which were almost invisible now, looked more defined and clear in the sunlight. He was skinny, but athletic and sometimes Ronan couldn’t believe how much he longed for him.

Adam was half of his soul.  
“I’ll drive” Adam declared.  
Ronan chuckled, his hand on Adam’s chest.  
“no fucking way” he replied.  
Adam snorted.  
“Why do you always have to play hard to get?” ha asked, but didn’t give him the time to properly answer.  
Adam kissed Ronan’s cheek, and his jawline, and the corner of his mouth.  
“C’mon” he said, and kissed his mouth, and his other cheek and his cheekbone.  
Ronan laughed, sincerely happy, as the other boy kept leaving small kisses all over his face.  
“ you’re such an asshole” he said, and took the keys from his back pocket and put them in his hand.  
Adam kissed him one more time before walking to the driver’s seat.

V  
Ronan felt as if he was breathing again for the first time in days.  
The ache in his chest was lighter; the knot in his stomach was loosened.  
Adam was here, he was fine.  
Declan was telling him what had just happened with the hunters and the rest, and he was carefully listening and explaining his thoughts.  
He was okay. He was okay. He was okay.  
They were all at the Barns, him, Adam , Declan, Matthew, Jordan and Hennessy, but Ronan couldn’t bring himself to focus on their conversation; he was just staring at Adam. Ronan wanted to reach him, hold him, kiss him, tell him he was an asshole and that he fucking loved him and kiss him again.  
“…Ronan?” he jolted awake at the sound of his name coming out of his younger brother’s mouth; they were all looking at him, waiting form some sort of answer.  
He had spaced himself out of the conversation for a little while.  
“what?” he replied.  
He saw all the stares drop, and Adam taking a breath.  
“okay” Adam said “let’s go get some coffee” and he started walking towards the kitchen, silently inviting Ronan to join him.  
They reached the kitchen, Adam closed the door, Ronan leaned against the counter.  
Adam turned to him, he looked tired.  
He put his hand on Ronan’s cheek, the other on his chest.  
“what’s wrong?” he asked, and Ronan could feel his breath on his skin.  
“you’re such a shithead, and I was so fucking worried about you” he replied and pulled him closer.  
Adam rested his head on Ronan’s shoulder.  
“I’m sorry” he said “but I’m here, and I’m fine and I will always come back to you”  
Ronan took his hand, and gently kissed his knuckles.  
He was breathing again.  
\--  
When he woke up, later that night Adam was in his arms, in his bed, with his head on his chest and his fingers locked with his own.  
And it felt alright, as it always was when he was with Adam.  
“I’m starving” Adam said, out of the blue.  
“pancakes? Ronan asked, his fingers lightly touching Adam’s arm.  
“Only if you make them” Adam replied.  
“there’s no fucking flour, or topping” Ronan explained.  
Adam sat up “let’s go get them”.  
Ronan sat up as well.  
“You’re such a pain in my ass” he chuckled and Adam laughed as well.  
Ronan grabbed the car keys from his bedside table, he handed them to the other boy.  
“You fucking drive” he stated, and Adam laughed again, placing a small, soft kiss on Ronan’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> this is what i do instead of sleeping or studying for my exams.  
> tumblr: herostairss  
> instagram:maartinski


End file.
